Rhymin' & Stealin'


David Kahn is a real NBA General Manager… and also a complete idiot by Corbet
July 19, 2010, 9:11 am
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , , ,

Bill Simmons favourite NBA GM David Kahn got  live on NBA TV this past weekend, joining Matt Winter and C Webb for some Summer League play-by-play during a T-Wolves game. He managed to blast off some gems, saying the T-Wolves will be better because now they eat lunch together and have a swank player’s lounge all while comparing Darko Milicic to Vlade Divac and Chris Webber… which caused C Webb to lose it just a little bit. He also called Darko “manna from heaven”, which is really weird, completly wrong and maybe the most unintentionally gay phrase ever uttered by an NBA GM.

When is the Sports Guy going to be offered the NBA GM job he rightfully deserves? Even if he’s just a basketball guru and sports reporter, do people really think he’d be worse than David Kahn?



Steve Carell spoofs Lebron’s “Decision” by Corbet

Hahaha, Michael Scott is the man. “The Decision” was one of the biggest jokes I have ever seen and perhaps one of the worst PR disaster’s ever for an athlete (besides Tiger Woods getting his chiclets knocked around by angry Elin) so when I heard Steve Carell and Paul Rudd had spoofed King James and Jim Gray at the ESPY’s I had to check it out. And it did not disappoint. I’ve never even been to an Outback steakhouse but I think I’m gonna have to check it out someday just because of this.

Lakers three-peat in 2011!



Final Thoughts on Soccer World Cup… featuring Vlade Divac by Corbet
July 13, 2010, 5:55 am
Filed under: NBA, Sports, World Cup | Tags: , , , ,

‘Nuff said. Enjoyed the World Cup but all the flopping and diving made me think I was watching a documentary on the exploits of Vlade Divac…



The Amazing Ron Artest Post Game Press Conference by Corbet
June 18, 2010, 8:42 am
Filed under: NBA, Playoffs, Sports | Tags: , , ,

Absolutly amazing… Ron has entered the Tyson Zone. Every interview he ever does is must see TV. Introducing his entire family… offering to beat box… thanking his psychiatrist… and generally looking and acting about as happy as a person can be. Ron Artest is the man.

Say Queensbridge!



Seven Sequences that Mattered in Game 7 by Corbet

Vid spotted on True Hoop

Wow. What an intense game last night’s Game 7 was. Definitely not a  spectacle of flowing basketball like the Western Conference Finals but maybe the most hard-fought defensive game played in the NBA since the ’80s; a game in which both teams looked emotionally and physically drained as the final horn sounded. Just great effort by both teams, as cliche as it sounds both teams played like winners. The Celtics just ran out of gas and the Lakers caught a second wind at the right time. And Ron Artest played his best all-around game as a Laker, which was key to this victory. His clutch three with over 1:00 left was so huge and a was also a great moment for a really misunderstood dude.

Lots of people are dissing Kobe for his poor shooting and forced play during the first three quarters, but 24 was an absolute beast on the glass and I believe his effort and energy level helped keep the other Lakers into the game. Even when they saw Kobe struggle with his shot, they also saw his defensive intensity and how he would fight for every rebound and that has to help keep the team up. While Kobe didn’t win Game 7 with his pure basketball skill, he might have won it with his mental toughness and determination… which is no small feat in itself. Kobe really was relishing this victory afterwards, and dropped this gem when asked about now having more rings than Shaq:

Just got one more than Shaq. You can take that to the bank. You know how I am. I don’t forget anything.

All in all, just an incredibly intense game to watch. Even the national anthem was intense, with Christina Aguilera giving one of the better renditions of the “Star Spangled Banner” that I have ever heard. Marvin Gaye would be proud.

Congratulations to the 2010 NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers. Anyone else thinking three-peat?



Fletch: One of the Greatest Lakers of All-Time by Corbet

Standing 6’5″ (6’9″ with the afro), even Kareem and Chick Hearn had to give it up to the amazing Fletch. Click the jersey above to see Fletch in action.

Now let’s hope the Lakers can harness their inner Fletch and take out the Celtics in tonight’s Game 7.



A Journey Through The Glorious History of the Los Angeles Lakers by Corbet
June 15, 2010, 1:51 pm
Filed under: NBA, Playoffs, Sports | Tags: , , , ,

To all my Lakerheads, tonight is the night. Lose and the hated Boston Celtics will have ripped out our hearts again and will celebrate on LA’s home court. Win and set up the grandest stage in sports: Game 7.

In order to help psyche up Laker Nation, check out this amazing highlight video that chronicles the history of basketball’s greatest franchise. I almost cried watching this gem, so many great moments.

And remember, if you see someone walking down the street wearing a Celtics jersey… throw a chair at him.



K.O.B.E. is the greatest basketball player on the planet… and one of the worst rappers by Corbet

The NBA Finals start tonight and naturally R&S is picking the Lakers to win in 6. Kobe has just been too much this postseason, and with Lebron’s epic playoff flame-out’s the past couple seasons KB24 is making a strong case that he is still the best basketball player in the universe. And while his skills on the hardwood can’t be questioned, his skills on the mic sure can. For those that don’t know (or programmed their brains to forget), Kobe once thought he could be a rapper like his big brother Shaq. So he decided to cut a track with Tyra Banks and the audio proof is found above. Good thing Kobe stuck with working on eviscerating opposing SG’s and not sharpening his cipher skills because his mic-manship actually makes Shaq sound more like Big Daddy Kane than Kazaam.

Now that your ears have been scarred by the Mamba, cleanse your sonic palette with the best rap song about basketball ever (and the first rap music video)… Kurtis Blow’s “Basketball”.



Kobe Bryant is the God of War by Corbet
May 21, 2010, 7:52 am
Filed under: NBA, Playoffs, Sick Highlights, Sports, Video Games | Tags: , , ,

While Kobe is still taking heat for his ridiculous all-white pilgrim photo spread from a few weeks back, he has also kicked his game up to Herculean levels as the Lake Show continues to plow through the Western Conference. KB24′s evisceration of Utah (and now Phoenix) did not go unnoticed by YouTube maestro Renhigotrare, who blended Kobe’s playoff domination with SFX from God of War 3. As a Lakers super-fan and a lover of video games, this pretty much blew my mind.

Now let’s all get ready for another Lakers-Celtics Finals.



We Are Lebron Musical Tribute by Corbet

Now that the city of Cleveland is on defcon-5 red alert with the prospect of Lebron James bolting to Chicago or New York this summer, they are pulling out all the stops to convince LBJ to stay. Check out this remake of “We Are The World” using local Cleveland “celebrities”.

I must say, if this video is showcasing the cream of Cleveland’s cultural crop and I was Lebron I would pull a Carlos Boozer/Art Modell and sneak out of Cleveland in the middle of the night.  Or I’d pull an Ichiro and punch myself in the face.



Mo William’s Dunk and Mike Brown’s Reaction by Corbet

This has to be one of the best NBA coaching sound-bites in recent memory. During last nights Game 1 in the Cavs – Celtics series, Mo Williams threw down a nasty fast break dunk on Paul Pierce. I wasn’t aware that Mo could even jam, but the dunk itself was eclipsed by his coach’s post game reaction. When asked about the play, Mike Brown completely lost his marbles. Classic.



Manu Ginobili can block anything by Corbet
March 29, 2010, 5:55 am
Filed under: NBA, Sick Highlights, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

Just ask Kevin Garnett, Kevin Durant, Dwyane Wade and that wayward bat. Spank, spank, spank and spank.

Manu vs. KG

Manu vs. KD

Manu vs. D-Wade

Manu vs. Bat



Hulk Hogan, The Macho Man and The Ultimate Warrior love Dwight Howard by Corbet
February 26, 2010, 4:02 pm
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , , ,

Now I will preface this blog post by stating that I have a soft spot in my heart for people who dress up like classic WWF wrestlers. My greatest Halloween endeavor was in 1998, when my three roommates and I dressed up as the NWO and entered the party to “Voodoo Child“. But these four fine gentlemen have taken their WWF love to the next level.

All four have their persona’s down pretty good, although the two highlights for me were Ultimate Warrior and X-Pac. Perfect. At first glance, I thought the one dude actually was X-Pac. They stay in character for the whole time and it all comes together to form maybe the finest two minute testimony to Dwight Howard that exists.

Thank God for Hulk Hogan, beer, digital cameras, the NBA and YouTube.



Vince Carter hits 86 Foot Shot… Sitting Down! by Corbet
February 23, 2010, 7:12 pm
Filed under: NBA, Sick Highlights, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

Next to the Weis dunk, this might be the highlight of Vince’s career. Pretty insane.

If only he had done this all the time.



Steve Nash is the most ridiculous man in the world by Corbet

Another great viral video from Nash and the folks at Vitamin Water. Hilarious stuff, especially his Canadian Tuxedo. This is way better than Dos Equis guy…

I’d also like to say it was great seeing Steve Nash as one of the final torchbearer’s at last night’s Opening Ceremonies. He is one of the greatest Canadian athletes ever and deserved the honour.



Top 100 Non-NBA Dunks of All-Time by Corbet
January 1, 2010, 10:45 am
Filed under: NBA, Sick Highlights, Sports | Tags: , ,

Happy New Years good people. The 100 best dunks that didn’t happen on a NBA court. Lots of dunk contest footage showcasing squirrel-monkey agility. Sit back and enjoy these insane jams as you nurse your hangover.

Via Slam Magazine.



Don Nelson wishes you a Happy New Year by Corbet
December 31, 2009, 10:27 am
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: , ,

Rhymin & Stealin and Don Nelson wish all of you a safe, happy and drunk New Year’s!

photo from Takin Out Larry’s and Drunk Athlete.



Vote Steve Nash into the All-Star Game… because he sucks? by Corbet
December 26, 2009, 9:09 am
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

Some NBA players feel they have to pimp themselves out to make an all-star game, posturing for votes and cluttering the Internet with videos, websites and tweets begging people to vote them in to the season’s biggest exhibition game. Steve Nash, as usual, has decided to take a different approach. Instead of compiling clips of his various highlights (of which their are many), Steve went with some low-lights, using his self-deprecating humour to poke a little fun at all-star grandstanding.

Love the clip at the end, with him getting dunked on by Kobe repeatedly. How many NBA players would post a similar highlight on their own site? Not many. Nash is the truth.



Carl Landry loses five teeth, Dirk Nowitzki gets one in the elbow by Corbet
December 19, 2009, 1:25 am
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

In tonight’s Mavs-Rockets game, Dirk Nowitzki took it hard to the rim and his elbow spanked Carl Landry in the grill. Landry went down with 5 lost teeth and one of those teeth was embedded in Dirk’s elbow! Dirk had a foul shot to take, so naturally he knocked it down – left handed. He left the game after and the Mavs lost in OT. Here’s an update on Landry and his missing chiclets. Dirk got 3 stitches and a $1 from the tooth fairy.



A Letter to Dwight Howard from James Naismith by Corbet
December 18, 2009, 8:52 am
Filed under: NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

The R&S sleuths have made a startling discovery and intercepted a letter from the long deceased Dr. James Naismith, inventor of basketball, addressed to the man-child Dwight Howard. I guess Doc Naismith hooked up with Doc Brown and his Delorean, because he came to the present time, dissected Dwight’s game and then decided to share his opinion on how Dwight could change his defensive style and revolutionize basketball in the process. Here’s the letter from Naismith to Superman 2.0:

Dear Master Dwight Howard,

Today, as I was perusing the daily sports newsreel, I came across a collection of highlights which bamboozled my Basket Ball intellect. These highlights I speak of showed you aggressively and wantonly swatting opposing field goal attempts into the realm of the paying spectators. While physically impressive, I fear it to be cruelly misconstrued.

You may be aware that I invented the game of Basket Ball using very modest means in a mere 14 days. And while I know that my game has evolved over the years to include such unbridled displays of athleticism as the alley-opp, no-look pass and cross-over dribble, I am troubled by your consistent desire to squander your physical gifts and reward the opposing team every time you block their wayward attempts at the goal. After careful contemplation over a mug of sarsaparilla, I believe I have just the tonic to cure your malady.

The next time a panicked opponent fails to acknowledge your presence in the painted area and attempts an ill-advised shot, you should leap to the heavens as is your custom and clutch said shot attempt with both hands, therefore retaining possession for your team and more appropriately punishing your opponent. Think of the rewards for you and your fellow teammates if you gained possession of the ball from every such instance. You may reference the great Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics basketball club for copious examples of this stratagem, as he was a master of this defensive mastery for which you have all the physical tools to equal and surpass.

I would wish you to have the satisfaction of becoming the most imposing force in the glorious history of my favorite past-time and therefore have decided to share my insight with you in this formal manner. I marvel at the power of your still burgeoning skills and only wish that you reach your potential while helping to transform the way defense is played in modern Basket Ball. Please consider my modest advice.

Yours respectfully,
Dr. James Naismith



Kobe and Lebron Nike Puppets Are Back! by Corbet
December 9, 2009, 12:05 pm
Filed under: Comedy, Kicks, NBA, Sports, Television | Tags: , , , , , ,

Nike has brought back their hilarious Kobe and Lebron puppets, no doubt dreaming of a Cavs-Lakers Finals that would cause Phil Knight’s head to explode.

“I got two words for you: King of the Jungle.”

And for those scoring at home, Kobe is leading the MVP race this year, looking to reclaim it from LBJ. If Kobe keeps hitting insane buzzer beaters and Lebron keeps losing to the Grizz, the Black Mamba will be adding to his trophy case this offseason.



A Close-Up On Greg Oden’s Broken Kneecap And His Odd Cornrows by Corbet
December 9, 2009, 10:17 am
Filed under: Comedy, NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

Greg Oden's Broken Knee and Odd Scalp Formation

I was hit with an instant bout of serendipity this morning as I was reading more about the unfortunate injury to Portland Trail Blazers big man Bill Walton, Sam Bowie, Greg Oden. I noticed that one particular picture of a downed Oden appeared to show his kneecap in complete collapse mode, resembling a moon crater. The voyeur in me decided to zoom in for a closer look when I was met with a secondary discovery of mildly epic proportions. Greg Oden might be the only NBA player with built-in cornrows.

Look at the top of his dome, it looks part Shar Pei, part Klingon. This phenomenon has occurred before, with Shane Battier and Al Harrington being two prime examples. But they have nothing on Oden. He has supreme definition and maximum length, making his natural cornrows the envy of every Allen Iverson, Latrell Sprewell and Brad Miller wanna-be in the NBA.

If I was Greg and I was looking at another six to eight months of rehab, I’d contemplate growing out a little ‘fro before someone comes around looking to make a topographic map of my head.

Can’t basketball fans in the Pacific Northwest catch a break? Oden down for the year and Kevin Durant playing like an MVP for the Zombie Sonics. Double gut punch.



10 Greatest Multi-Sport Athletes Ever by Corbet

10) “Macho Man” Randy Savage - Wrestling/Baseball

Including the Macho King on this list is admittedly a stretch. Maybe I put too much stock in his six WWF/WCW Titles, hundreds of Flying Elbow Drops, The Mega Powers and incredible Slim Jim commercials? Maybe Bill Goldberg, The Rock or Brock Lesnar could have been used as better examples of wrestlers with multi-sport supremacy? However, I kept coming back to Randy “Macho Man” Poffo. Unbeknownst to many, he played in the minors for the St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago White Sox and Cincinnati Reds, reaching his baseball zenith in 1974 for the Single A Tampa Tarpons, where he knocked in 66 RBIs while playing DH, OF, 1B and C. Maybe the most amazing fact from his baseball career is that he tore muscles and ligaments in his throwing shoulder in ’73, then taught himself how to throw left-handed and returned to baseball the next year. The injury limited his effectiveness and effectively ended his pro baseball dream, but his perseverance and dedication continued as he became one of the most popular and beloved pro wrestlers of all-time. Oh yeah! The Macho Man is number 10, barely beating out Brian Jordan.

Bonus points were awarded thanks to this.


9) Roy Jones Jr. - Boxing/Basketball

Roy’s athletic career is definitely in its twilight, but at its peak, RJJ was one of the most dynamic and electrifying athletes ever. The 1990s Boxer of the Decade, Roy has won eight world titles in four weight classes, became the first fighter to start his career as a junior middleweight and win a heavyweight title and should have won a Gold medal at the 1988 Seoul Olympics (he was robbed by a corrupt judge and settled for the Silver). Anyone who watched him fight in his peak knows he had incomparable hand speed, foot speed and punching power. If you doubt his skills, ask Montell Griffin. Jones cemented his multi-sport legacy in 1996 when he became the first athlete to participate in a pro basketball game and a pro fight in the same day, scoring five points playing in the USBL in the afternoon and knocking out Eric Lucas to retain his Super Middleweight title later that night. At 5’11″, Roy probably didn’t have the height to play in the NBA, but he is the only man to complete such an epic feat, earning him the 9th spot on this list.

Roy also got bonus points. For this.


8) Antonio Gates - Basketball/Football

My first exposure to Antonio Gates was not as the San Diego Chargers future Hall of Fame tight end. Before he terrorized defenses in the NFL, Gates terrorized the paint playing Div. 1 college basketball for Kent State. Antonio was no bench-warmer at Kent State, leading the Golden Flashes to a MAC Championship and the Elite 8 as a junior and being named a Honorable Mention All-American as a senior. His stats during college are impressive, averaging 16.5 ppg, 7.8 rpg, 1.2 spg and shooting better than 30% from 3 for his career. Since scouts considered him too short to play in the NBA, the 6’4″ Gates arranged an NFL tryout. The Chargers signed him as an undrafted free agent and he has been one of the NFL’s best tight ends ever since. He is now a five-time Pro Bowler, has over 50 career TD catches and his current trajectory will probably end with him being enshrined in Canton as a NFL Hall of Famer. If he was 3-4 inches taller, Antonio might be on a similar trajectory in the NBA. To be such an impressive NFL player in the modern game without playing college football is absolutely incredible. Tight end prototype and former NCAA power forward Tony Gonzalez almost took this spot (and not just because he has a hot wife). Tony can ball, but he wasn’t the best player on his Cal basketball teams. Gates was the best player on his Kent State teams. Throw in the fact that Gates leapt to the NFL without the seasoning and football maturation of college ball and the arguments over.


7) Charlie Ward – Football/Basketball/Baseball

For those of you that only know Charlie from his career as an above-average journeyman NBA point guard, you might be surprised to see him on this list. Don’t be. Ward played basketball at Florida State, leading the Seminoles to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 in back-to-back years and eventually breaking the school record for steals. But he also was the quarterback for the football team… and he won the friggin’ Heisman trophy. Not only was he named the best player in college football, but he also led FSU to a National Championship in 1993. Seriously. He is deservedly in the College Football Hall of Fame and was even offered a contract to back-up Joe Montana with the Kansas City Chiefs. He declined to play for the Knicks. On top if it all, he was drafted as a Shortstop/Outfielder by both the Milwaukee Brewers and New York Yankees, even though he hadn’t played baseball since high school. Didn’t excel as a pro, but was one of the best all-around athletes ever and is the only dude ever to win the Heisman and play in the NBA.


6) Jackie Robinson - Baseball/Football

While Jackie is best known for breaking down baseball’s colour barrier in 1947 and being one of the greatest players in baseball history, baseball was actually once considered his worst sport. At UCLA, Jackie lettered in four sports: football, basketball, track and baseball. In fact, he is the only athlete in UCLA history to accomplish such a feat. He showed his greatest promise in football. Jackie was named All-Pac 10 while at UCLA, lead the nation in kick return yardage, led the Bruins in rushing and passing yards and eventually played semi-pro for the Los Angeles Bulldogs of the Pacific Coast Football League. After the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbour, Jackie was forced into military service, which cut short his football career. After the war he began to concentrate on baseball and after winning MLB’s inaugural Rookie of the Year award in 1947, Jackie’s career blossomed. He was a six-time All-Star, won the MVP in ’49 and a World Series title in ’55. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962 and his jersey number 42 was retired by all MLB teams in 1997. More accolades continued posthumously, as he was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. He might have been the most influential athlete on this list from a cultural perspective, but his athletic merits alone would put him near the top of any self-respecting “Greatest Athlete” list.

Click to continue reading the Top 5

(more…)



Cleveland Cavs Retro Pregame Tribute to The Warriors by Corbet
December 2, 2009, 9:19 pm
Filed under: Comedy, Movies, Music, NBA, Sports | Tags: , , , , ,

“Pheeeonix. Come out and play.”

I saw this on The Score tonight and couldn’t believe it. Great tribute to The Warriors, a great film, and you can’t miss with Eye of the Tiger. Varejao and Ilgauskas also rated high on the comedy scale. Combine that with some slick retro jerseys and a win over the Suns, and it was a good day to be a Cavs fan.

Shaq really loves his Cyrus. Don’t forget, this isn’t The Big Replicators first crack at “Can you diggg it!!”



A Tribute to Bill Walton by Corbet
November 3, 2009, 11:31 am
Filed under: NBA, Sports, Television | Tags: , , , , , ,

Today is truly a sad day for basketball fans, aspiring announcers, UCLA alumni, hippies, dead heads and red heads. Due to constant back issues that have required multiple surgeries, kept him from the broadcasting booth over the past couple seasons and generally cause him to walk like Frankenstein, Bill Walton has decided to retire from ESPN and broadcasting all together. Bill had this to say, in typical Bill Walton-speak:

“As I return after a grueling multi-year, life-threatening, life-changing ordeal with back problems, it is time to dedicate the rest of my life to service” (via Sports Business Daily)

I am a huge Bill Walton fan. His hyperbole and ability to compare basketball with renaissance art is unparalleled. You could always count on Bill to say something that would make you laugh, scratch your head or both, and no one can knock him for his unbelievable contribution to the game as one of the most prolific and skilled big men ever. Much like we did for John Madden upon his retirement, R&S has put together some of the best clips we could find featuring Big Red. Enjoy.

Frank Caliendo’s Bill Walton Impression

Bill Being Bill

Bill Walton vs. Will Ferrel

Bill Walton talking MJ, Bird and Trail Blazers with Bob Costas

Incredible Highlight Reel




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